1FXLs  

Hands Off!! Why are a bunch of men quitting masturbation? So they can be better men.

拿開你的手!! 為什麼很多男人正在戒除手淫? 為了成為更好的男人 

By Emily Witt 

Published Apr 14, 2013

 

T

 raditionally, people undergo a bit of self-examination when faced with a ­potentially fatal rupture in their long-term relationship. Thirty-two-year-old Henry* admits that what he did was a little more extreme. “If you’d told me that I wasn’t going to masturbate for 54 days, I would have told you to fuck off,” he says.

普遍上來說,人們對於一段破裂的感情之後都會小小的檢視一下自己。三十二歲的亨利承認他有些極端,他說"如果過去你叫我54天不要手淫,我一定會說去你的"

 

Masturbation had been part of Henry’s daily routine since childhood. Although he remembered a scandalized babysitter who “found me trying to have sex with a chair” at age 5, Henry says he never felt shame about his habit. While he was of the opinion  that a man who has a committed sexual relationship with porn was probably not going to have as successful a relationship with a woman, he had no qualms about watching it. Which he did most days.

從小,手淫一直是亨利每天的習慣。 就算他曾經在五歲時被他的保母發現"嘗試和一張椅子做愛",他也不曾為此習慣感到羞恥。當他有了色情網路來手淫的選項,而不用跟真的女人發生關係時,他每天觀看色情就不會不安了。

 

Then, early last year and shortly before his girlfriend of two years moved to Los Angeles, Henry happened to watch a TED talk by the psychologist Philip Zimbardo called “The Demise of Guys.” It described males who “prefer the asynchronistic Internet world to the spontaneous interactions in social relationships” and therefore fail to succeed in school, work, and with women. When his girlfriend left, Henry went on to watch a TEDX talk by Gary Wilson, an anatomist and physiologist, whose lecture series, “Your Brain on Porn,” claims, among other things, that porn conditions men to want constant variety—an endless set of images and fantasies—and requires them to experience increasingly heightened stimuli to feel aroused. A related link led Henry to a community of people engaged in attempts to quit masturbation on the social news site Reddit. After reading the ­enthusiastic posts claiming improved virility, Henry began frequenting the site.

然後,就在去年年初他交往兩年的女友要搬到洛杉磯之前,亨利看到了TED(一個國外請成功人士演講的節目) 裡一位心理學家Philip Zimbardo講到"【男性的衰弱】 ",它說,相比於真實人和人之間的社交,當一個男性更傾向於待在不切實際的世界的時候,他的學業,工作和感情就很容易失敗

當他女朋友離開時,他又去看了TED請了一位解剖生理學家Gary Wilson的演講"你的腦與色情"說到,色情會讓人想要不斷地得到多變的刺激--無止盡的圖片組和幻想--還會讓他們變得越來越欲求不滿,漸漸需要更高的刺激才能引起慾望。經過了這些資訊,亨利和Reddit社群網站上的一些人決定要一起戒除手淫。當他看到了一些令人振奮的文章說,戒手淫可以增加精力,他開始經常地上那戒色網站。

 

3  

 

“The main thing was seeing people who said, ‘I feel awesome,’ ” he says. Henry did not feel awesome. He felt burned out from work and physically exhausted, and his girlfriend had just moved across the country. He had a few sexual concerns, too, though nothing serious, he insists. In his twenties, he sometimes had difficulty ejaculating during one-night stands if he had been drinking. On two separate occasions, he had not been able to get an erection. He wasn’t sure that forswearing masturbation would solve any of this, but stopping for a while seemed like “a not-difficult experiment”—far easier than giving up other things people try to quit, like caffeine or alcohol.

最主要是看到網站上有人分享經驗說"我覺得太棒了"。亨利不覺得棒,他從工作中感到非常疲憊,身體也很累,而他的女朋友也不在身邊。有時候他有性需求時,雖然不是太嚴重,他堅持下來了。回想起在他二十幾歲時,有時候他在酒後會感覺到短暫的勃起困難,有次,他發現自己無法勃起。他不太確定戒掉手淫會不會解決這些問題,不過他想想,這個短暫的實驗看似不會太困難,總比戒毒戒酒簡單多了吧。

 

He also felt some responsibility for what had happened to his relationship. “When a guy feels like he’s failed with respect to a woman, that’s one of the things that causes you to examine yourself.” If he had been a better boyfriend or even a better man, he thought, perhaps his girlfriend wouldn’t have left New York.

他也對過去發生的那段感情感覺到一些責任。"當一個男人和異性相處失敗時,那就要好好的檢視自己了"。如果他當初是一個更好的男友或甚至是一個更好的男人,他想,或許他的女友就不會離開紐約了。

 

So a month after his girlfriend moved away, and a few weeks before taking a trip to visit her, Henry went to the gym a lot. He had meditated for years, but he began to do so with more discipline and intention. He researched strategies to relieve insomnia, to avoid procrastination, and to be more conscious of his daily habits. These changes were not only for his girlfriend. “It was about cultivating a masculine energy that I wanted to apply in other parts of my life and with her,” he says.

所以在他的女友離開的一個月之後,在要找她的幾周前,亨利開始頻繁的健身。他已經有打坐習慣多年,可是他要開始有更多的自我紀律和企圖心。他研究怎麼消除他的失眠 ,如何克服自己拖延的毛病,還有對自己每天的生活習慣更有意識。這些改變不是單單只為了他的女友。"這是為了能夠培養我其他部分的人生和與她在一起時更多的精力"。

 

And to help cultivate that masculine energy, he decided to quit masturbating. He erased a corner of the white board in his home office and started a tally of days, always using Roman numerals. “That way,” he says, “it would mean more.”

為了這個目標,他選擇戒除了手淫。他把自家辦公室角落的一塊白板擦掉,專門用羅馬數字紀錄天數。"這樣,會意味著更多"他說。 

 

 

 spongebob-spongebob-white-board-without-magnets-1100x1100-imaey5eyuvbnwhaf  

 

For those who seek fulfillment in the renunciation of benign habits, masturbation isn’t usually high on the list. It’s variously a privilege, a right, an act of political assertion, or one of the purest and most inconsequential pleasures that exist. Doctors assert that it’s healthy. Therapists recommend it. (Henry once talked to his therapist after a bad sexual encounter; she told him to masturbate. “Love yourself,” she said.)

對於那些人們想要拋棄的習慣裡,手淫通常不是一個比較優先的項目。它普遍被認為是每個人都可享受的權利,或是種最容易也最沒後果的娛樂。醫生斷言它是健康的。治療師也建議它。(亨利有次和他的治療師談過關於他不好的性經驗;治療師告訴他,手淫吧"愛你自己")

 

And despite a century passing since Freud declared auto­eroticism a healthy phase of childhood sexual development and Egon Schiele drew pictures of people touching themselves, masturbation has become the latest frontier in the school of self-improvement. Today’s anti-masturbation advocates deviate from anti-onanists past—that superannuated medley of Catholic ascetics, boxers, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, and Norman Mailer. Instead, the members of the current generation tend to be young, self-aware, and secular. They bolster their convictions online by quoting studies indicating that ejaculation leads to decreased testosterone and vitamin levels (a drop in zinc, specifically). They cull evidence implying that excessive porn-viewing can reduce the number of dopamine receptors. Even the occasional woman can be found quitting (although some women partake of a culture of encouragement around masturbation, everything from a direct-sales sex-toy party at a friend’s house to classes with sex educator Betty Dodson, author of Sex for One).

而儘管一百年來佛洛伊德提倡過自動的性愛取向是小孩在性發展中的一個健康的過程,澳大利亞畫家Egon Schiele也畫了很多人們撫摸自己的圖片,手淫也成為學校裡自我成長的最後一道課題。當今提倡的各種禁止手淫的理論,通常來自於過去久遠的基督教禁慾主義,拳擊運動人員,哲學家,文學家。然而,現在這世代的族群更傾向於創新,自我意識,實際。他們從網路上不同的研究裡認識到射精後會導致男性的睪酮素和維生素下降(尤其是鋅),他們擷取過度觀看色情會導致多巴胺受體數目降低的證明。甚至有些女性也會戒除手淫。(雖然在一些女性的團體裏還是會鼓勵縱慾)

 

One of the unintentional pioneers of the current wave of anti-masturbators is Alexander Rhodes, a 23-year-old college student and actor who lives in Pittsburgh. On June 20, 2011, after coming across a study conducted by Hangzhou Normal University in China that found that testosterone levels peak after seven days without ejaculation, Rhodes started a “NoFap” forum on Reddit, where he announced various challenges for those who wanted to abstain. (Fap is onomatopoeic Internet slang for masturbation.)

在當今戒除手淫的潮流中,一位無意間成為先驅者的人是 亞歷山大.洛德斯Alexander Rhodes,住在美國匹茲堡的一位23歲的學生兼演員。2011年6月20日在閱讀過一篇中國杭州師範大學的研究發現,男性睪酮素會在七天未射精過後提升至最高,於是洛德斯開始在Reddit上建立了"不打手槍"論壇,上面發起了各種自制力的挑戰。(Fap是網路上稱呼手淫的俚語)

 

When it first launched, the forum received 20,000 visitors a month. There was no shortage of mutual encouragement, with badges awarded for milestones like going a week, a month, or a year without fapping, and a counter tracking exactly how many days a person has abstained. NoFap’s popularity has now ballooned to nearly 400,000 unique visitors per month, and posts have grown in diversity. Some threads tout the perceived benefits of no-fapping (“found my first girlfriend”). Others recommend self-­improvement books or revel in a newfound sense of perspective (“I was able to notice birds chirping, which I haven’t done in years”), or engage in what can best be described as penis monologues (“Today I was sitting on the toilet and I looked down and I saw my penis and I kinda just stared at it, then I asked him ‘What is your purpose penis?’ To which he replied ‘I dunno lol’”).

當論壇成立了以後,每個月就有將近兩萬人次的訪客。那裏不曾停止大家的相互鼓勵,還會對達到一週,一個月,一年等不同里程碑的人授予勳章,每個人還會有自己戒除時間的天數計數器。不打手槍的流行度至今已經暴增到每月40萬個不同的訪客進入,而裡面的文章也越來越多樣化。有些文章分享了不打手槍好處的體會("與初戀女友復合")。其他的還推薦一些自我成長的書,或是一些新發現的見解("我突然注意到鳥兒的唧喳聲,過去幾年我完全沒有注意過"),或是從事一些可以最佳形容小弟弟的獨角戲("今天當我坐在馬桶上時,我往下看到我的小弟弟,然後我像是什麼般地凝視著它,然後,我問了它"小弟弟你是幹嘛用的?",結果它回答:"我不知道哈哈哈.."")。

 

2015-07-25_161905 (2)  

 

But perhaps the most noticeable shift within the forum is how NoFappers have begun to characterize their short-term challenges as long-term lifestyle ­choices—one discussion is literally titled “NoFap isn’t a challenge. It’s a way of life.” In the thread, ­Aterazideme posted: “I desire to be a person in control of his desires. Each day of NoFap brings me close to that ideal.”

 但或許在論壇裡最值得注意的改變是,網友已經開始把不打手槍從一個短期的挑戰變成了一種長期生活模式的選擇--其中有一則討論標題為"不打手槍不是一個挑戰,它是一種生活的方式"。一篇文章裡,網友Aterazideme說到:"我希望能成為一個能夠控制自我慾望的人。不打手槍的每一天,讓我更接近我的理想"。

 

And that “ideal” is defined pretty consistently, at least to ­“fapstronauts,” as they call themselves. In short, it means being more masculine, which in turn leads to success in other aspects of life. Take the example of 19-year-old Redditor Ojdidit123. After 70 days without masturbating, he wrote, he went from being a virgin to meeting a woman on his flight, getting a “raging boner,” and having sex with her in both the plane and an airport hotel. The confidence he got from that encounter, he said, not only helped him perform well at a job interview later, and secure a job at a hedge fund for the summer, but also enabled him to call a long-simmering crush and ask her out. “All that shit happened in the span of 48 hours,” he posted. “It was pretty fucking crazy.”

而且那種理想在論壇裡是非常一致的,至少對於裡面自稱"戒槍宇航員" 的人來說。簡單來說,就是成為一個更有男性魅力的人,也在人生各方面取得成功。舉一位19歲的網友Ojdidit123來說,他寫道,他的身體狀態彷彿回到最初未手淫前。還會產生自信不只是發生在異性緣和女性相處上,而且還讓他在工作的面試上取得不錯的成果。"這些該死的東西竟然都在48小時內發生了",他說"真是太瘋狂了"。

 

  

864d140fda296b447f54cb70a1b40254  

 

Henry went out to California. For two months, he lived with his girlfriend. Their relationship felt strong, the sex was great, and everything seemed to be on track. Then work and family compelled him to return to New York. They remained a couple, and Henry maintained his efforts. He says that his abstention, along with daily meditation and no porn, made him feel confident and grounded. He recorded his voice on his iPhone and claims it had deepened. Perhaps it was all in his mind, but he noticed other benefits, “like when you walk down the street and you make eye contact with a woman, and she smiles. And there’s no darting with the eyes, or no staring creepily, just a more natural exchange.”

亨利去了加州。他與女友住了兩個月。他們的關係開始穩固,感情回溫,一切都看起來上了軌道。 之後工作和家人使得他後來需要回到紐約。他們還是維持在一對,而亨利繼續他的付出。他說他的戒律,加上每日的打坐和遠離色情,讓他有腳踏實地和自信的感覺。他把自己的聲音紀錄在iPhone裡發現聲音更低沉了。可能是心理因素,可是他還有觀察到其他的益處,"像是當我去街上與遇到的女孩子有眼神接觸時,她對我笑,我不再會有眼神閃爍或是漂移的狀況,就是有種自然的改變"。

 

He compares the feeling to being on antidepressants: “It was like a buffer, little things didn’t bother me.” He also began feeling more alert. And younger. And he found himself far more attracted to women—not in a furtive or uncomfortable way, but in the sense that the world around him felt more charged. Something totally banal—the before and after pictures of a Weight Watchers commercial, for example—suddenly had meaning.

他形容這感覺就像服用抗憂鬱藥物後:"就像有個緩衝,小事不會再困擾我了"。他也感覺更靈敏,更年輕。然後他也發現自己更受女性歡迎--不是那種隱私性的或是不雅的方式,是指他的周邊一切感到更有活力。有些平凡無奇的事--Weight Watchers減肥公司廣告裡展示的一些前後照片對比,現在對我來說,突然可以體會到了。

 

“It felt like it did when you were in puberty or in college,” he says. “Women became more salient.” For 54 days, he did not masturbate. Then, over the phone, the relationship ended, and so did Henry’s campaign. “I didn’t have any desire,” he says. “I could totally not have done it, but I was like, ‘Fuck it.’ ”

那感覺像是當你還是兒童或是大學時期時,女生是種單純鮮明的存在"。這54天來,他沒有手淫。然後,雖然電話那頭結束了這段感情,但同樣亨利這方也結束了這場戰役。"我沒有了慾望",他說"當初我完全可以不要去做它,可是現在像是,"草""。(亨利最後因為情緒破戒了..)

 

8fadcca2d1d4c247105986971120a6d60b9758f68ac747ca2cb091503b8f8ed2   

 

 


 

 【原文】- YewYork Magazine 

 

 


 

 

 延伸閱讀

【美國對色情的研究及國外盛行的反色情組織:Nofap】

【從能量科學的角度看為什麼要戒色行善】

【腦神經學家分析 - 打手槍為什麼會上癮?】

 

 

<a href=http://quitisgoodmed15.pixnet.net/blog/post/165779629-%e3%80%90%e9%82%aa%e6%b7%ab%ef%bc%8c%e6%89%8b%e6%b7%ab%e7%9a%84%e5%8d%b1%e5%ae%b3%e3%80%91%e5%bf%83%e7%90%86%e5%ad%b8%e5%ae%b6philip-zimbardo->點我</a>

文章標籤

創作者介紹
創作者 戒為良藥 的頭像
戒為良藥

戒為良藥

戒為良藥 發表在 痞客邦 留言(0) 人氣()